"Read It Like You’re Dead Inside”
- Darren "Robbo" Robertson
- Apr 22
- 2 min read
The Weirdest VO Direction (That Somehow Worked)
After a recent LinkedIn post where I shared the utterly baffling direction “Can you read it faster… but make it sound slower?”, the floodgates opened. Voiceover artists, producers, engineers, and creatives from around the world piled in with their own stories of direction so vague, contradictory, or downright bizarre, it made my original example seem almost reasonable.
Here’s a collection of the best (or worst?) direction ever given — the kind of feedback that leaves you staring blankly at the mic, wondering if you’ve misunderstood the entire craft of communication.
1. The Contradictory Commands
Direction that defeats itself before the line is even delivered:
“Bags of energy… but laid back.”
“Brighten it up… but keep it respectful.” (for a cremation ad, no less)
“Read it faster… but sound slower.”
“Calm but energetic.”
“More smile… but read it like you’re dead inside.”
Translation: Be excited, but not too excited. Chill, but make it punchy. Do the impossible. Twice.
2. The Abstract Requests
These are the notes that read like wine tasting instructions or horoscope summaries:
“Can you sound taller?”
“Make aortic atherosclerosis sound more painful.”
“Green juice… but don’t talk about it.”
“More magenta.”
“Lovable outlaw.”
“Sound like a potato.”
What they probably meant: Confident, emotionally grounded, approachable but not too polished… or they just liked the sound of their own adjectives.
3. The Full Chaos Sessions
Because the problem isn’t always the direction — it’s how many people are giving it:
Two trainees, each relaying different directions from two different creative bosses
A husband and wife, one shouting “more energy!”, the other whispering “quieter, more serene”
“That was perfect… let’s do another.”
Also: the infamous “sour puss face” — a client responding to a take not with words, but with interpretive facial expressions. We love this job.
4. The Existential Crisis Moments
Some direction makes you question not just the read, but your entire identity:
“Read it like you’re dead inside.”
“Make it feel grounded… but lifted.”
“Less announcer. Less voice. Less… you.”
“Can you make ‘the’ sound more natural?”
Spoiler: Usually, after 30 takes, they pick the first one anyway.
So How Do We Actually Get There?
A great read doesn’t just happen because the direction was spot on.
More often than not, it happens because someone behind the glass quietly bridges the gap between “Can you make it more magenta?” and something the talent can actually do.
That’s part of my job in post, not just mixing and recording, but reading the room, translating creative chaos, and helping sessions run smoothly.
Sometimes it’s rephrasing a note so it actually makes sense.
Sometimes it’s a quip that diffuses tension.
Sometimes it’s a quiet eye-roll through the glass that lets the VO know they’re not the only one thinking “what the hell was that?”
That’s the bit no one talks about, but it’s often what gets the job done.
If you’re working on a spot, campaign or longform piece and need someone who can keep the session on track, make the talent feel at ease, and get the read that actually delivers, I’d love to help.
Let’s have a chat:
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